Sorrow lasts for the night...

While I was sitting in the rented van that was to take us to our hotel in Bangalore, I wasn't so sure that the sun was going to come up today. I wasn't so sure that I would ever be able to sincerely smile at anyone or anything ever again. The pain and the sorrow that gripped my heart had been making it's way slowly up to my head. I started to think crazy thoughts like when I left the USA...things like "Why did I even want to do this?" Things like "If I knew this was going to hurt this much...I might not have done it...." CRAZY things....

Yesterday....was.....rough.

I had it all together until I hugged Suganya (the girl from the previous post) and Sandhiya back to back (Sandhiya is a girl who I call "von-kohli", turkey, she and I have become best buds). Both of them were quietly sobbing...trying so hard not to let me see them cry. As we hugged, I felt their tiny bodies spasm in my arms...I lifted their chin to offer a sign of affection that we learned in Tamil Nadu (you basically pinch the cheeks of the person and then kiss the fingers that you used to pinch their cheek) and that's where it all went downhill...and downhill fast.

Such sorrow...such pain...such emptiness. I'm telling you, this is a mirror post of the sadness that I felt on SEPTEMBER 13 when I was saying goodbye to my parents and my brother. In that moment, I wanted to just call everything off and say "Okay, we're staying...."

And then I remembered the joy that we experienced together...then I remembered the happy times...I remembered that if these amazing kids didn't share their lives with me over the past 6 months so incredibly...that March 11 would be just another Sunday for me and I am NOT willing to let that be.

As I was thinking about the deep sorrow and pain, I started to think about the incredible and overwhelming joy that awaits at the JFK terminal when I see my family on Tuesday...the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. Isn't that what Jesus meant when He said "I came that they might have LIFE and have it to the full""?

Loving people with reckless abandon...loving and being loved like you'll never be hurt...THAT'S what I've learned on this trip...THAT'S life to the full! And if that's life to the full, that's why Jesus came.

I will MISS MY FAMILY at Carmel to no end. Those children have left an impression on my heart that will last a lifetime. And in a somewhat shocking development, the sun is just about to come up over the horizon. The sun IS going to rise again today. I WILL sincerely smile today...and I can't tell you how happy I am that we did this.


As always...thanks for your support and your love. Your prayers have sustained us over the past 6 months and your financial support made this possible in the first place. This is probably the last post from India. We'll be sure to update you once or twice about reentry.

Thanks for thinking this blog is worth your time to read. There are a group of incredible, beautiful kids that I would love to tell you some more about. Interested? Just let me know :)